If there’s one thing readers of this blog can rely on, it’s that I’ll put up holiday posts. And there’s a reason for that! Ever since Facebook became a club that’s literally been joined by “everyone and your mother,” it’s also become a “hot spot” on or around the holidays. Whether you’re checking up on what your friends did to celebrate, or you’re just spending some quality time ignoring your family, social media probably has exactly what you’re looking for on festive occasions. Here are a few examples from my holiday vault to showcase what parents are posting about on Easter:
1. Holidayjacking
Hey Jenny, that commercial you’re describing is cute and all — with the animals dressed as bunnies and the roaring lion and whatnot — but um, some of us here in the real world are celebrating children’s birthdays. You know, like instead of living in the past? How about you pay a little more attention to ways you could get to New York for Peter’s party and spend a little less time yammering on Facebook about 30-year-old commercials?
2. Chocolate Bunnies > Vomiting and Diarrhea
Be careful what you wish for Jon, because “chocolate bunnies” aren’t always what they seem. But more importantly, when will we as a people finally institute a policy in which we stop blaming fictional characters for being arbiters of illness and waste? Santa Claus didn’t bring you “lumps of coal.” Leprechauns didn’t turn your kid’s poop green. And the Easter Bunny has nothing to do with barf and feces. Stop using holiday mascots as scapegoats for your kids’ bathroom tribulations. Some of us are trying to stuff our faces with actual chocolate over here.
3. Easter Sanctimommy
McKenzie has every intention of teaching young Tristram the significance of The Moon Hare, spring equinox, and fertility, but for now, she’s just going to sound a little self-righteous about it on Facebook. Official lesson to come in the next few years! I’m sure Tristram is super excited. Even though he hasn’t gotten “into” the lunar side of Easter yet, he will.
4. Mama Drama
Wow, R., way to sound like a crazy person by imagining a scenario that doesn’t exist and then taking that scenario public. This is the risk we run by getting consumed with the internet. We think our friends are passive-aggressively ignoring us, which prompts us to semi-aggressively call them out on their passive aggression, and then we get our asses handed back to us in a nice neat little Easter basket with a bow. P. even went out of her way to apologize, which is the ultimate in passive-aggressive non-passive agression. Well-played, P. Something tells me your slow response time to R.’s updates just got even slower.
(submitted by Anonymous)