To continue this week of “holiday coverage,” let’s talk a little Woe Is Mom. First, I think it’s important to note that everyone complains during the holidays, be it travel-related or gift-related or work-related…we’re all in this time of year together. Therefore, I tend to understand why some parents complain on Facebook, since the holiday season can drive anyone crazy, especially people with small children. (Even more especially when those people are determined to buy their kids every single toy on the market, create elaborate Pinterest-inspired gingerbread houses, and stir up daily antics with their stupid Elf on the Shelf. But I digress.)
The problem I have with the complaining is when parents whine about petty things that don’t matter in the long run. It’s not life or death; it’s Santa Claus. Who really gives a shit if the kids don’t believe in Father Christmas once they’re old enough to use their brains? Who cares if they’ve figured out that toys come from a department store and not a magical sweatshop factory in the North Pole? And why is it SO important that children have the best Christmas EVER when they’re barely old enough to lift their own heads? These questions and more are what I pondered as I read through this season’s Woe Is Mom submissions. Here’s a festive sampling:
1. FedEx
Hannah is understandably annoyed with FedEx, but Leigh’s comment is what drives home the irony of this submission. “Moms: You just can’t win when doorbells are involved!” At least young Michael will never know the difference, God forbid.
2. G+ MAJOR RANT
I’ve never heard of Google+ ADULT BIG WIGS before, but I keep picturing Bono, Al Sharpton, Bill Clinton, and Lady Gaga chillin’ in an Amazon #SecretSanta Wish List Hangout, all buying each other cars and islands, and just leaving poor Little Buddha all by his lonesome. His mom got an ebook, but what did he get? Nothing. Not ONE person recognized the joy he brings by buying him a gift. Not ONE suck ass person ACKNOWLEDGED his Amazon Wish List. What kind of world do we live in if ADULT BIG WIGS can completely ignore a DESERVING little boy on Christmas? How pathetic.
3. Christmas RUINED
WHOAAAA, this is like the time that Saylor’s mom was mailed the wrong toile fabric. Some things - like a child’s first Christmas - are sacred, and clearly Shutterfly and its adorable affiliates don’t get that AT ALL. Carson Mae’s Noël went from having the promise of a shiny new ornament to being a pile of shattered hopes and dreams. Thanks a lot, Shutterfly, for managing to destroy one of the most important days in Carson Mae’s life. This totally forgettable moment will NOT be forgotten!
Hey, does anyone know how to get Shutterfly to apologize for making a HUGE Christmas error that will haunt an innocent baby for the rest of her life? Not receiving a first Christmas ornament is akin to not attending one’s senior prom — a fact that Shutterfly appears to be callously ignoring despite its customer’s best attempts to make contact. What is Red supposed to do to remedy this monumental problem? She’s tried emailing, calling, and complaining on Facebook, and nothing has worked. If only the local news cared. :( Sadly, she’s wise enough to know that they don’t!
4. Christmas Regrets
Ohh, Katie and Kate. Those two gals could have a talk show. What IS it with people under 25 and their flippant attitude toward life? “Gee, sorry, I don’t think I can make it to Christmas, I’ll be having sex and hanging out with my friends.” Ugh, could they BE any more obnoxious? One day this poor girl is going to regret all those times that she ignored responsibility and blew off her family because she’d rather “watch a Homeland marathon in her pajamas with her new boyfriend.” I’m absolutely sure of it. Especially since it means she’s missing out on spending quality time with her sweet sister.
5. Fox FM Santa Drama
And now, a bout of drama that erupted on the Australian radio station Fox FM’s Facebook page. Apparently, a pre-taped interview with the British teen sensation, Birdy, revealed that Santa isn’t real, much to the horror of many a parent and child listener.
You can imaginewhathappenednext.
Not happy
Not COOL
Not friggin impressed!
Step up
I love you, Stevie.*
Just saying
Crucial perspective, Tay. Way to think it through.
Finally, in light of all the hoopla, Fox FM made a (poorly punctuated) statement:
You tell ‘em, Rachelle and Sheldon. I’m going to go eat burn a yule log and cry myself to sleep.
(submitted by Anonymous)