Before we get back to posts about disgusting things, I wanted to touch on something a little more conceptual that scares me: Mothers who dress up as “moms” for Halloween. Now, don’t get me wrong - I’m not suggesting that everyone always has to wear a Halloween costume. There have been a few years that I didn’t dress up or just put in minimal effort, and I wouldn’t begrudge anyone who says, “This year, I’m going as a person who stays home and orders take-out.” (Except, no one really says that, because that would sound stupid.)
However, to say that you’re going as “a mom” on Halloween serves no real purpose that I’m aware of, other than maybe a sanctimonious one? I’m trying to see the charm and/or humor in it, but it seems to me that a mother saying that she’s going as a mom for Halloween would be like my saying that I’m going as a blogger, or my grandma saying that she’s going as a grandma. Pretty redundant.
Some people use a sick kid as an excuse to mommyjack, at which point costume modifications may be in order. For instance, Lori probably planned on going as your average mama for Halloween, but then her daughter got sick, so now she’s saying that she went as “a sad mama,” which is a little more specialized.
1. Shout-out to radio DJs Jojo and Reagan for perpetuating the idea that people should dress as “Sexy” somethings for Halloween. Thanks for doing your part, guys. I can’t wait for the day that 100% of the gore typically associated with Halloween has been replaced with Sexy Kittens and Sexy Bunnies and Sexy Mommies. (Although, Sexy Gumby and shirtless Michael Myers both sound kind of awesome.)
2. I’m glad that Mary sees herself as a “sexy mommy,” but that doesn’t make it a valid costume. The corpse of a sexy mommy, the ghost of a sexy mommy, or a mummified sexy mummy are all highly preferred to a woman dressing exactly as she does every other day of the year.
So, ladies who are going as “moms” this Halloween, please take note: Adding a splash of fake blood to your face or a fake bat to your hair will go a long way. Do not settle for a ponytail, jeans, and a sweater. At least put on some bronzer and go as Tan Mom. Anything but “a mom,” “a sad mom,” “a tired mom,” or “a sexy mommy.”
Related: Mother’s Day Marathon
(submitted by Anonymous)