Happy New Year, everyone! The rest of this week is dedicated to holiday posts, and then next week we can truly begin ANEW. First up: more Christmas. We’ve seen the pre-Christmas submissions, and now it’s time to talk about some Christmas DAY submissions. All of that other stuff was just leading up to THIS stuff! Or something. Okay, this post is really more of a generic Christmas Round-Up, Part II, but most of these updates were posted on Christmas Day. Let’s take a moment to review another cross-section of merry social media delights and celebrate the (end of the) season:
1. Adoorable Christmas Baby
Jennifer has an all-access backstage VIP pass to her accessively cute baby, and on a holiday like Christmas, who could ask for anything more? It’s like words loose all meaning when a kid is as accessively cute as DJ is. ♥
2. Best Christmas Present #1
Vanessa got a positive home pregnancy test for Christmas! And not just one of those pregnancy tests that was purchased off of Craigslist— this is a real one with HER pee on it. Totally worth sharing on Instagram. That’s what Instagram is for. I just wonder if Vanessa took video of the pregnancy test, too? I mean since Instagram has the option to film, why ;wouldn’t she record a short mini-doc of the stick doing its thang with the pee on it? Chemical reactions’n shit. Then everyone could witness the precise moment that Vanessa saw the plus sign. :) Living in the moment means sharing in the moment, all the time, with everyone, forever!! #merryxmaseveryone #xmasmomentsofInstagram
3. Best Christmas Present #2
Every year, some very lucky parents (and their kids) join the Poop In The Potty Christmas Club. This is not unlike saying, “Every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings,” except it’s more like, “Every time a bell rings, a kid takes a crap in the toilet for the first time.”
I understand, as always, that a child’s first potty training success is a momentous occasion often preceded by much prayer and hardship. And when a kid just so happens to christen a potty the same day that Christ was born, well, it’s a blessing to say the least. But no one wants to associate “reading through Christmas updates on Facebook” with reading about people shitting. Toddler or not, Christmas poop is a gift I don’t recommend giving online.
4. Organic Christmas Brunch
It makes sense that this post is about a brunch buffet, because to me, it’s the picture of self-serving. Baby Liam is serving himself some homemade breast milk, and Stephanie is serving herself a few scoops of eye-roll-inducing ego. Everyone gets what they wanted for Christmas! All-natural self-righteousness for breakfast does a body good.
5. Girl Talk
It’s not Christmas without a little labor talk on Facebook, am I right? SO apropos. Some people post about drinking eggnog, others post about losing their mucus plug. Some people talk about unwrapping their presents, others discuss stripping their membranes. It’s all relative, really. But wait — there’s more:
Bethany has something gross to tell Kiley — so gross that it requires AN ALL CAPS WARNING and a private message — and Jenna’s taking home the trophy for Most TMI Comment This Holiday Season. It’s one thing to publicly recommend that a friend get her membranes stripped, but it’s a whoooole other thing to refer to mucus plug regeneration and tack on a sad/pained smiley emoji. Does Jenna not know what comes to most people’s minds when they hear “regenerate”? This, this, and this. No.
6. Mom’s Gold Star: Holiday Edition
Sherri’s update cracks me up because A) It’s true, and B) What could be more annoying than checking lists more than twice? Pretty much nothing. Santa is already diligently making his lists and checking them twice, but now that modern day parents give their kids such yoonique names, Santa is forced to go back and check those lists yet again. He could be doing something way more constructive with his time, like washing his beard or fulfilling the Christmas wishes of cancer patients, but instead he has to make sure he’s correctly organized gifts for Brayden, Braeden, and Brädûn.
Speaking of gifts…
Jen calls it like she sees it. And what she sees here is a picture of her daughter’s floating head hole-punched and glued on an angel’s body, except the whole body is comprised of baby handprints and footprints. Maybe the daycare teacher was high when she came up with this craft project? Some people get weird around the holidays, especially when it comes to DIY decorations and greetings.
7. Virtual Christmas Card
Finally, we have Julie’s family’s “twisted” virtual Christmas card. On the pro side, there’s creative execution and well-defined baby abs, but on the con side, I’m not totally sold on the concept. Like the submitter wrote, “If they’d left it at the flying superhero baby, I would have thought it was cute. Why they felt the need to make it look like he was flying out of her vagina is beyond me.” Alas, we all celebrate the holidays in our own special ways. That’s why it’s the most wonderful time of the year. If Julie wants to depict herself as giving birth to a superhero baby that came shooting out of her vagina, so be it. May we all be so fortunate.
(submitted by Anonymous)