This week on Mommyish, I paid tribute to Birthday Week with a column about birthdayjacking. Last year, I had so many birthdayjacking submissions that I had to split them into twoposts, and this year proved no different. Parents can’t help themselves on Facebook when their child’s birthday is involved. Nothing beats the feeling of announcing your baby’s birthday to the world. NOTHING. Not even scaling K2, racing on the Nürburgring, and parasailing in the Caribbean combined. Telling the internet “It’s my baby’s birthday today!!!” has become as compulsory as it has ubiquitous. After all, if your child has a birthday and you don’t announce it on Facebook, did it ever really get celebrated?
It’s this attitude that inspires birthdayjacking, which is something parents do when they’re either extremely excited about their child’s birthday or extremely disappointed that no one “liked” the ‘birthday letter’ they wrote on their own wall (addressed to a toddler). Let’s check out some new examples:
1. Almost-Birthday Buddies
Based on Carol’s logic, I’m to assume that another one of her friends will receive a message on Tuesday morning that says, “Zoe turned 4 yesterday, born 8 hours too early to share your birthday!!” Carol is a high-functioning birthdayjacker who spreads her skillz across multiple days and status updates in honor of little Zoe.
2. The More You Know
When Ellyn wrote, “(good to know about JS Bach),” she meant, “(I’ll be sure to mention that whenever I tell people it’s my son’s birthday, considering it sounds way more cultured than ‘Jessica Szohr’.)” JohannSebastian Bach FTW. Thanks for chiming in, Ellyn.
3. Coincidences
Nicolette and Tim used to date, and Tim has no idea why Nicolette would write something so weird on his wall, given that they used to go out and have sex. I don’t know either, but I think his comment is funny.
4. WTF?
Melody reminds me of Melaina, just talking and talking like some batty old granny who mutters to herself in a rocking chair on a front porch. “Summer-Sunshine what a sweet girl she loves her bike loves strawberries takes a bath every day knows her numbers and wants to be in the pictures someday!”
5. Can’t Believe It Either
I can’t believe that both of these people are being serious, but I’m pretty sure they are. Otherwise, D., I owe you a Gold Star. But assuming they’re both serious, this is the future of birthdayjacking, where parents one-up each other based on their kids’ ages. An average status update in the future like, “Can’t believe my son turned 11 hours old! Feels like just an hour ago he was born!!”, will be met with, “Can’t believe my daughter turns 65 in four months and is applying for Medicare.” Yep, the future looks bright and heavily-documented, indeed.
To read several more birthdayjacking examples, including one of the most annoying examples EVER, head over to Mommyish to read my column!
(submitted by Anonymous)